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If you don’t see the signs and recognise the disconnect, use this as a code red to check your own availability.

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Even when confronted with code amber behaviour, we don’t process the information, pause, access what it means to us and the relationship that we have in mind or our vision of the other person.If you are unsure of what you’re experiencing, it’s code amber, evaluate the situation, throw some icy water over your feelings and plans, 100% eyes and ears open, and try to have a conversation with them about it.But if this is within days or weeks (certainly within the first 3 months), code red.Anybody trying to pursue you while with someone else is shady.Decent people get their house in order – they don’t stock up on an emotional airbag.Don’t make the mistake of thinking that they’ll be this way with everyone else but you.

This is code red and it also covers narcissists – while they will charm you and disarm you, when they turn, they turn.

Some things are a flat out code red and I have marked it with FOCR.

Addicted to something (FOCR) – If you meet someone and they are addicted to something (gambling, sex, alcohol, drugs, etc) and not aware of it and doing something about it, this will impact on your life greatly if you continue.

Emotionally Unavailable – This means unavailable for a mutually fulfilling, healthy relationship.

Unavailable people give limited relationships because they have limits on what they are able to give.

These are the key things that you need to be very aware of and set as your limits.