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Effective dating tips for introverts

Anthropological research shows that flirting is to be found, in some form, in all cultures and societies around the world.

This is a very obvious example, but the more complex and subtle aspects of flirting etiquette can be confusing – and most of us have made a few embarrassing mistakes.Like every other human activity, flirting is governed by a complex set of unwritten laws of etiquette.These rules dictate where, when, with whom and in what manner we flirt.We generally obey these unofficial laws instinctively, without being conscious of doing so.We only become aware of the rules when someone commits a breach of this etiquette – by flirting with the wrong person, perhaps, or at an inappropriate time or place.I think the “conversation” started with one person complaining about their health problems. After 45 minutes, one of them turned to me with that infamous question you and I have both heard more times than we can count: Uh, maybe because I’d rather be stabbed in the ear with a rusty butter knife than be subjected to one more minute of this tedious talkfest.

There are a thousand things wrong with the “why are you so quiet” question, but let’s concentrate on the fact that it’s rude and pushy. Are they supposed to just suddenly dive into a conversation in which they are clearly either uncomfortable or uninterested?

Kate, neither of us will ever understand the oblivious tastelessness of someone who’d walk up to a stranger and simply point out some face about their personal or physical composition. I’m encouraging her to embrace her introversion, and in so doing, overcome her social anxiety.

This happens so often, particularly in a school setting, that you’ll soon be tempted to respond to their observation with one of your own: These people — the ones who label you, or demand that you justify your personality to them, or your “friends” who put you in a box and then introduce you to other people that way — don’t have pure intentions, for the most part. It’s a psychologically oppressive and emotionally violent Battle of Witlessness. Your whole being stirs with concepts and notions that could change the world. I’ve been able to strike this balance, but it took time.

You don’t want any part of that, and why would you? They simply grabbed the rhetorical spotlight with an unconvincing attempt at a transition, like, Next the “discussion” awkwardly jumped to a fascinating topic about how expensive it is to get your oil changed at Jiffy Lube.

Quick story: A little while ago I found myself in a group of “talkative” people. I think they then gossiped about a mutual friend for a while, before leaping into a gab-session about a network TV show I’d never seen.

You prefer intimate and meaningful communication over small talk. Many times, the school system introverts into “shy people” by constructing a social environment where introverts are made to feel like freaks and outcasts. I mean, where would we be if societies in the past had employed our modern strategy of treating introversion as a character defect? Your mind works differently, you see the world differently, you interact differently, and that is a magnificent thing. Soon, you’ll leave school and you’ll find yourself standing in the wilderness of the “real world.” You’ll discover, unfortunately, that a lot of the bad things about school are still present in this wilderness — we’ve still got bullies out here, and jerks, and cliques, and fads, and social ladder climbers, and all the rest of it. We have the liberty to fully become ourselves, and to our minds and our personalities, rather than suppress them.